I found this in my writing file.
Jan. 24th, 2004 12:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
honeymonsterI think I wrote it for one of Maddy's zines or something, then never sent it to her. It's a couple years old, I think.
a splash of red
When I hit twenty-one years of age, blood began to take on significance in my life. It started slowly enough: My cousin Emma was visiting, we were about to take the bus from a local shopping center to the mall and see a movie. We were early, and to kill time we explored the local shops. Walking out of the health food store, I rubbed my nose and my hand came away bloody. I went into the doughnut shop and got some paper towels. They filled up in a hurry. I sat on a nearby bench. Emma was wonderful, she got me more napkins, she got my kid brother to call my stepmother for help. Blood kept dripping off the end of my nose. It was the worst nosebleed I'd ever had in my life, and I've always been prone to them. I left a red puddle on the concrete in front of the bench.
What with the nosebleeds, blood was a fact of life for me long before it was for most other girl-children. And it always scared me a little. But after the puddle, each nosebleed could be another rush to the doctor. And there was always someone I had to inform that tilting my head back could cause me to drown in my own blood.
The next year I was walking home from work and I was hit by a car. I still remember my brother telling me about seeing one side of the bed I was on when they got to the emergency room just soaked in blood.
It was the next year when my menstrual cycle started and failed to stop. I had a hell of a time getting to the right kind of doctor. In the meantime, I got anemic. They gave me a shot and the bleeding stopped. I started taking iron pills. Then a few months later it started all over again.
There is no clue as to exactly what causes this. I thought it was going back to normal when it started again. It's September thirteenth, and I've been bleeding since early June. I didn't go to the doctor at first because I thought that everything would stop on its own. When nothing did, I got an appointment. Now I am waiting still, for the ultra sound, for the blood tests the doctor says he needs before he gives me another shot. I wait, and I bleed, and I get sicker.
I am tired of the sight of blood.
a splash of red
When I hit twenty-one years of age, blood began to take on significance in my life. It started slowly enough: My cousin Emma was visiting, we were about to take the bus from a local shopping center to the mall and see a movie. We were early, and to kill time we explored the local shops. Walking out of the health food store, I rubbed my nose and my hand came away bloody. I went into the doughnut shop and got some paper towels. They filled up in a hurry. I sat on a nearby bench. Emma was wonderful, she got me more napkins, she got my kid brother to call my stepmother for help. Blood kept dripping off the end of my nose. It was the worst nosebleed I'd ever had in my life, and I've always been prone to them. I left a red puddle on the concrete in front of the bench.
What with the nosebleeds, blood was a fact of life for me long before it was for most other girl-children. And it always scared me a little. But after the puddle, each nosebleed could be another rush to the doctor. And there was always someone I had to inform that tilting my head back could cause me to drown in my own blood.
The next year I was walking home from work and I was hit by a car. I still remember my brother telling me about seeing one side of the bed I was on when they got to the emergency room just soaked in blood.
It was the next year when my menstrual cycle started and failed to stop. I had a hell of a time getting to the right kind of doctor. In the meantime, I got anemic. They gave me a shot and the bleeding stopped. I started taking iron pills. Then a few months later it started all over again.
There is no clue as to exactly what causes this. I thought it was going back to normal when it started again. It's September thirteenth, and I've been bleeding since early June. I didn't go to the doctor at first because I thought that everything would stop on its own. When nothing did, I got an appointment. Now I am waiting still, for the ultra sound, for the blood tests the doctor says he needs before he gives me another shot. I wait, and I bleed, and I get sicker.
I am tired of the sight of blood.
