another "can't sleep" list fest

[honeymonster]

Things I have been known to call the cat, other than his name, which is "Mitty":
Mister Kitty
Mister Fuzzy
Fuzzy-butt
big furry dumbass (when his old declawed ass gets in a fight)
O Pooper on Carpets

Things I say to the cat:
"You wanna go out? Cat out?"
"Gesundheit."
"Wanna take a nap with me?"
"There's no liver in this (whatever is being prepared at the sink)."
"You have food, you won't go out, you won't let me touch you--what the hell do you want?"
"Shut up, Mitty!"

Number of times I've cleaned cat puke up off the floor this week:
I don't remember any, so that probably means just once.