honeymonster: (Wolfwood)
whining under here )
I am kind of annoyed by the responses people give me when I talk about feeling disgusting (for ridiculous reasons) because young, good-looking men (and men my age, probably) see me as gross and sexless.

They keep saying, "You're not sexless, you're not gross."

Well, thank you, Sandra, but that's not what I was fucking talking about.

I am talking about how much it hurts to see a man look at me and instantly decide I am worthless.

I am talking about how much I hate even noticing it.

I am talking about tearing up when I write this because of all the hurt, and anger, and fucking LONELINESS tied up in the whole thing.

And for christ's sake, don't tell they don't really think like that. I've been on the fucking internet, and even though I mostly stay in my nice, safe bubble of cool people and friends, I have seen it.

I'm not saying all young dudes think like this, but enough of them do.

And I really HATE minding it. I don't like being dismissed, and I don't like being ignored.

Guess what, I don't like being fat, but I have to live with it anyway. I'm not even sure how I GOT to my forties, but I know I'm old enough to be your mom.

Just.. stop being disgusted that I exist, is all.
honeymonster: (default)
Itch. Iiitch. Itch. ITCH. Itchitchitchitchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
honeymonster: (Wolfwood)
Hey, friends. I hope you are doing well.

I really don't want to write this post, mainly because I'm gonna ask for help at the end--and I'm hardly ever here, and you've got you're own problems--but I don't know what the fuck to do.

Feel free to skip this and go check out my new project instead. It updates every day unless I'm out of town for too long.

The past couple of weeks have been a mess, and last Wednesday I'm pretty sure I had some hysterics.

I can't remember the last time my fucking shoulders unclenched.

I'm doing a group therapy thing now, as part of my effort to socialize with humans more often. Two weeks ago I parked in the wrong place and when I left group, my fucking car was gone.

I was relieved when we found out it was towed, but it still cost me $200 cash for the tow guy and another $20 by check for the ticket.

I was broke as fuck and I still had to get the car inspected.

The car went in for inspection that Friday, and of course there's something wrong with the rear bumper and it needs to be replaced.

But I had appointments, so I got the car back Monday night and only went to one on Tuesday, for other reasons.

But I really had to see the pulmonologist. That appointment went fine, it's just that leaving, I got lost.

So I'm freaking out because I'm lost, and for the other thing which I will get to, and.. I hit a parked car.

Scraped it up a little, but my car is FUCKED. Bent the rim, and pushed the tire against the frame or something, which punctured the tire.. shit, I'm lucky I made it home and then to the mechanic.

Mechanic thinks I should get another car. I'm like, with WHAT?

And somehow I have to keep $1000 in my account to keep from being charged the poor tax, and never have more than $2000 or I lose my disability payments.. have to get the money from Rona.

Okay, the other thing, the really horrible part, even worse than the car really, is..

You know how my stepbrother came back from his little cult adventure with scabies? Did I ever mention that?

Well, he also brought us bedbugs. And the little fuckers have finally migrated to my room, probably via the cats.

I have bites all over my arms and legs, I constantly think there are bugs on me, and I am getting NO help from anyone. Nobody wants to take the steps needed to get rid of all these fuckers, because it will be so much work.

I want to take steps, but I don't have money right now. I put a bunch of stuff on my amazon wishlist (it's right at the top), even one thing will help.

There's a reason a box spring is on there. it's because my box spring has huge fucking holes in it.

good news!

Mar. 6th, 2016 03:49 pm
honeymonster: (Wolfwood)
I found that I can banish things I shouldn't be thinking about by imagining slow-dancing with Rosario Dawson.

In other news, yep, still fucked in the head.
honeymonster: (chicken)
I'm going to do a podcast based around this Lynda Barry comic about titles for unwritten poems.

Do you have any titles to share?
honeymonster: (chicken)
It is short and it is about books: https://soundcloud.com/user-947745502/hodgepodge-barrage-episode-1
The next one will be different.

help

Feb. 1st, 2016 07:53 am
honeymonster: (default)
How do you pronounce the "Ajvide" part of "John Ajvide Lindqvist"?

Asking for a podcast.
honeymonster: (chicken)
I have a microphone. I have Audacity. What should my podcast be about?

ho ho ho

Dec. 17th, 2015 06:23 am
honeymonster: (chicken)
Okay, so I'm doing holiday cards and if you want one I need your address.
honeymonster: (default)
A package of stuff from my amazon wishlist showed up!

There were book cover postcards, a new chin strap for my CPAP, a mouse pad with a gel thingy for my wrist, and a new book bag!

The best thing, though, was the shoes. They ACTUALLY FIT!

I am so happy right now. And I love you.

guh

Nov. 30th, 2015 06:34 pm
honeymonster: (default)
I still feel terrible, so I guess I'm calling the doctor again tomorrow.

The one cyber-Monday thing I went for was pretty much a bait-and-switch and packages I've been waiting for haven't shown up and I should really be glittering some dinosaurs right now.

But I had a surgery follow-up and my arms look good, the lipomas were just fat and everything there's groovy.

Scar on my hand hurts tho.
honeymonster: (chicken)
New podcast is up: What the Fuck Am I Watching?

This was a lot of fun, hanging out with two of my favorite guys and complaining about movies.
honeymonster: (Wolfwood)
I've had hardly any sleep, so here's hoping this makes some sort of sense.

Canceled my therapist appointment today because I only got three hours of sleep.

Spent a lot of today on the sofa, making bracelets.

Beading & jewelry making is not one of the things I've really talked about on here because typing was hard on me.

But I really do love it, because I love making stuff, and patterns, and like that. The best part of jewelry making is seeing it go from idea to finished piece. Even if it's just adding a pendant to a chain and putting on a clasp, or gluing a thing to another thing, I get a lot of joy from making nifty things.

The worst thing about jewelry making isn't the cost, or the hand cramps. It's not even that hardly anyone buys things.

The worst part is probably when I make something cool for myself, and put it on and admire it, and wear it around the house--then take it to my therapist appointment because nobody else will give a shit.

yup.

Nov. 24th, 2015 07:48 pm
honeymonster: (default)
I have a sinus infection. Woo.

oh goody.

Nov. 24th, 2015 09:03 am
honeymonster: (Wolfwood)
I think I have another sinus infection.

That's what coughing up yellow junk usually means, right?
honeymonster: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Of course we should take in fucking refugees. What kind of fucking question is that?

gah

Nov. 23rd, 2015 11:05 pm
honeymonster: (default)
So, someone bought a book from my book store, which was neat. It was less neat when I got the check and it was made out to "Tales Resold" instead of to me.

I had to go into the bank and explain.

Luckily, the check was for less than 10 dollars.

I just hope it clears.
honeymonster: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]I don't know. I just know that whenever I get sick I want extra attention.

And a present.
honeymonster: (chicken)
From now until December 15 you can use the code clear15 to save 15% off your purchase at my used book etsy store.
honeymonster: (default)
Hi, folks! Long time, no type.

Let's see, what's been going on?

Well, in June I went out and got my hair cut--something I try to get done every two years. This year, however, I also got it dyed.

Yeah, I went auburn for a while.

I loved it so much!

Unfortunately, the whole shebang cost $90, so it is not a thing I will be doing ever again. And the color's all gone now, of course.

In July, I got sick. It started out as a sinus infection, but the antibiotics didn't work, and the next thing I knew, I had bronchitis.

My brother, Steve, also developed bronchitis.

The weird thing is, we didn't infect each other. Just spontaneously caught the same illness. What fun.

My illness was clearing up, but Steve had developed a sinus infection on top of everything else, and when I went down to drive him to the pharmacy..

Well, we wound up stuck in the car together for 10 minutes while it rained too hard to drive safely.

By this point the nurse practioner was freaking out and sent me to the emergency room for a chest x-ray. I was there for like 4 hours and got no help at all. I was instructed to see an ear, nose, and throat specialist.

By this point I was coughing too hard to drive. Also, green stuff was coming out of my eye.

Sinus infections are worse than bronchitis. I wanted to die.

The doctor did something horrible to my nose, declared I had a sinus infection, and prescribed antibiotics for 21 days.

The insurance only covered 14 days of antibiotics.

That brings us to September.

While all that other junk was going on, I had a routine gynecological exam, in which the doc found a lump in my left breast. I had a mammogram and was referred to a specialist.

The specialist declared the lump in my breast small and probably benign, but there was a huge lipoma on my right bicep and another in my left armpit that wasn't as big but hey, let's get rid of them.

(Lipomas are tumors made of fat. I get those a lot.)

Also I finally made an appointment with the orthopedist my doctor referred me to about my carpal tunnel. It was suggested that I get my wrist cut open.

Anyway, here I am post both surgeries.

Oh! Also my brother started a podcast about movies called What the Fuck Am I Watching? I really like it, and not just because I'm on it a lot.

And someone asked me to update my wish list, so I added some stuff I need: http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/2QBT1186847UL

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